Maybe I'm especially sensitive since I'm a momma's boy, but the men's restroom is just a plain disgusting place. Here are some rules for a more pleasant experience for everyone:
1. Every surface that surrounds the urinal that has any metal (screws, brackets, etc.) is nearly always rusted. You can see the splatter on the paint. It's just damned nasty. People that clean bathrooms only clean the floor. This is unacceptable. The walls next to the urinal/toilet need to be wiped down.
2. I, personally, hate having to put the toilet seat down if I'm going to drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl. If you, the previous occupant of the stall, can't stand to use a piece of toilet paper clean the seat if you pee on it, so instead you lift the seat, why do you think I would want to potentially touch the errant piss that gets on the seat anyway? Seriously, put the seat back down. I need to poop.
3. Ever noticed fingernails on the floor as you're contemplating the meaning of life? If you're going to bite off your fingernails, you probably shouldn't do that in the dirtiest room in the entire facility/house.
4. While reading is a perfectly acceptable pasttime on the toilet, if you're going to use your PDA to do so, could you make it so it doesn't make noise?
5. There is no smoking in the Whirlpool plant for a reason. Doing so in the bathroom doesn't mean you're a rebel. It means you're an asshole.
6. Eyes forward, don't talk to me. I don't want to talk about your family when I'm urinating. That's just not cool.
7. Men can pee standing up right? Big shocker there. But, it is possible to whip it out without undoing your belt and untucking your shirt and pulling your pants down. Seriously, unzip, whip, and shake. It's that simple. Well, you should unwhip and zip prior to washing your hands too, but that should go without saying.
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3 comments:
When my husband and I used to work at the same company, I made him tell me which men didn't wash their hands. This way I knew which phones and pencils never to borrow. Dirty boys....
Comments, then addenda:
#2 - Or the bastards that do not even bother to lift the seat when they pee. My gawd, if you have a shy bladder at least have good manners.
#7 - Many of us older guys like to "spread out" a bit when peeing. We also like to retuck the shirts, etc. when finished.
Now, my pet PEEves...
If you are at the public shitter to take a dump do not under any circumstances read the newspaper while doing so. Invariably there is a line forming of others hoping to squat. If I ever catch you coming out of the squatter folding your newspaper I will take it and whack you upside the head with it.
Do not answer the phone and have a conversation. Especially if you are going to say: I am in the can taking a leak. Is that to inform the caller that they are so special that you will grab your phone with your dick-scented hand and answer it?
If you are going to use the urinal, hit the urinal.
If you clean bathrooms for a living - clean them. Pretend that your mother is going to be inspecting them later.
If you so choose to wash your hands, take your towels and dry off AWAY from the towel dispenser. Makes sense, huh?
Washing your hands after pissing is not mandatory. I learned not to pee on myself. I like the C-Dub method of washing my hands before I piss. Much better hygiene.
Note to all: If you plan on washing your hands, take a towel out first, then wash. Imagine that you just washed your hands and are now going to grab the slimy knob the 10,000 other folks latched on to withtheir wet hands.
FYI, the Men's Room Bible talks about some of this in graphic detail.
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