The problem with football

It's no secret, I'm an avid Chicago Bears fan. I have a Chicago Bears ski cap from 1986. The little orange ball on top is missing. It still "fits" though (I had a big head...I was six in 1986). There's even a hole in it. One of my first memories is watching the Super Bowl shuffle. I have a picture of Walter Payton on my dresser. I live in Evansville, IN which means everyone and their brother jumped onto the Colts bandwagon last year. After the Bears lost, I still wore my Bears ski cap proudly. I have no qualms with supporting my team after a big loss following 21 years of not quite getting there. Yes, I realize that most years should be described differently than "not quite getting there", but I hope you can forgive my positive spin.

I must say though, that at some point soon, if the league keeps screwing up a perfectly good thing (namely, getting paid large sums of money for the potential of getting killed/paralyzed/knocked out/given a concussion) I'm going to quit watching in the near future. What is my beef? Most personal foul penalties.

It probably all started with the advent of the place kicker, but I have no qualms with getting rid of plainly dirty actions that add no value to the play. Face slaps and the like were just plain dirty. What I've grown quite tired of the past few years are the countless penalties which are called which do nothing but help the offense in the NFL's quest for making the NFL more like the AFL. What I'm talking about specifically are the following:

Roughing the Passer

Everyone familiar with the pump fake? It's a great play, the quarterback is so great on the run that he scares the defender by pretending he's going to throw the ball. Well, you know what, if you're going to allow the pump fake, you're going to have to allow at least two steps by the defender before he tackles the quarterback. A defender should not be afraid of getting a penalty called on him if he actually tackles the quarterback right after seemingly getting rid of the football. I say "seemingly" because how is the defender supposed to know in that split second whether or not the quarterback actually let the ball go? If the quarterback is that afraid of getting hurt, he should know when to throw the football. Or perhaps he could hit the weightroom and put on a few pounds of muscle. Quarterbacks used to be tough. Manning is the only tough QB I can think of, which sucks because I hate the Colts.

Extension of Roughing the Passer - The QB Slide

If a QB goes past the line of scrimmage, defenders should not be trying to figure out if he's going to slide or if he's making a cut. You all know the play I'm thinking about specifically in which Urlacher did not tackle my least favorite player of all time, Tom Brady. That was a proverbial difference maker in the game. The best LB in the league should not have THAT in the back of his mind. If the QB is allowed past the line of scrimmage, he should have to pay the price. I don't care that McMahon always got hurt, it was damned fun to watch.

Unnecessary Roughness

I shouldn't even have to mention this one as we're talking about football, but I must. Ronnie Lott routinely lit up receivers coming into his area. If the receiver didn't know Lott was around he was creamed. I miss this type of play. If a guy is going up to try to catch the ball and you decide to play the body and the ball is just over the guy's head, it should not be a penalty. Put simply, a defensive player should never be penalized for executing a play where the offensive player puts HIMSELF into a bad position. If the ball is overthrown, you better look down and dodge the oncoming blow. I know Lott wasn't a Bear, but, needless to say, I wish he were...

Excessive Celebration (or whatever it is called)

Players should be allowed to do whatever the heck the crowd lets them get away with. If it is direct taunting of the other team, that is different. But if guys gather around and do a little dance, who gives a crap? Seriously. If you think the guy is an *sshole because of it, chances are, he probably is, and now that you know that, you won't feel so bad when the karmic retribution snaps their ACL in week 10. Of course, they could outlaw certain, just plain stupid celebrations like the NYG jump shot that the Bears inexplicably mocked them with, but then did the very same thing the following week. It was not a happy day for me.

"Late" Hit Out of Bounds

When a player gets near the out of bounds line, if his foot has not touched out of bounds, the play is still live. If there is a defender close enough to him to hit him while he is in the air, he should be punished for his transgression (as Walter Payton would put, for "dying easy"). The referee almost never spots the ball properly if someone jumps diagonally out of bounds. The ball should be placed where the ball is when the players foot touches out of bounds, not where the ball went out. This isn't golf. I really hope I'm not wrong in that remembrance of the rule, otherwise this whole section is pretty much a moot point. I can't really find a clarification to this, but I'm thinking this is correct. If not, let me know. In summary, if a runner has placed a foot on the ground out of bounds, he should not be hit, but if he's still in the air, he should be hit because the defender has a right to stop him from gaining yardage. Michael Vick and other players get near out of bounds and sometimes gain three extra yards because the defender is afraid of hitting them. This is complete crap. Michael Vick should be punished. Not for a transgression, just because.

Basically, penalties like this can change the outcome of the game and there is no reason for that, especially when the foul is marginal at best.